


Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Phoenix

by postjentacular



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (almost) everyone lives, M/M, Meta, lcdrarry 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 08:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postjentacular/pseuds/postjentacular
Summary: An exasperated werewolf-slash-professor, a decidedly not-dead drama queen, a brat, and astraight whiteman settle down to watch a movie. It goes as well as you’d expect.





	Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Phoenix

**Author's Note:**

> Lights Camera Drarry 2019: [Prompt 93](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gSzpuat04oI354uF5-6-T35uUbJs5suGQAp2z671O_g/edit) \- Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix / David Yates / 2007
> 
> Mucho gracias to my beta, K

_‘Directed by David Yates’_ appeared on the telly as the strings started; Draco stretched with a yawn and Harry re-settled in his lap sprawling across the comfy brown sofa. On the other sofa, Sirius smacked the remote control against the arm, then another thrice for good measure, “It's broken!”

“'s not broken, love, the film finished,” Remus said, not looking up from the essay he was trying to mark.

“I know it ended,” Sirius huffed, pulling himself upright, “I know what the end of a movie looks like, I’m not some Muggle Studies troll-out, but it jumped, it’s missing a bit. That’s not how it finished.”

“There're another three films in the series,” Draco said, twisting one of Harry’s curls around his finger.

Sirius turned sharply to face Draco, the ends of his hair catching the edge of Remus’ paper, “So I come back in the next one, right?”

A sly smile crept across Draco's lips, “Nope,” he said, popping the p with too much satisfaction.

“But I'm dead‽”

“Yup,” said Draco, another pop.

“I'm dead‽” He whiplashed back to Remus, “Moons, are you hearing this‽”

Remus gave the long-suffering sigh of someone who knew they were never going to get their marking done, and put the essay and his now-capped pen back atop his to-do pile, “I heard.”

“But I'm not dead!” Sirius flapped.

“I can hear that too.” He slid a hand through Sirius’ hair and scritched the nape of his neck.

Sirius leaned into the comforting fingers for the briefest of seconds before he turned back to Draco, “Do the muggles think I'm dead?”

“Yup,” Draco answered, with a little too much glee for anyone’s liking.

Remus scowled at Draco, baring the slightest hint of teeth, “You're not helping,” he bit out.

“They don’t just think that, Sirius,” Draco continued unperturbed, “all the muggles _know_ you’re dead.”

“Moons!” Sirius turned back to Remus, freeing his hair from his fingers and pulling them both face-to-face, “You need to tell them!”

“Tell who what?” Remus asked exasperatedly.

“That I'm not dead, Moons! Keep up! You need to phone them or something to let them know!”

“Excellent idea,” Draco said. “Just give them a quick call, Remus. The muggles. All of them.”

Remus sighed, “Har’, a little help?”

“I'm white,” he replied, his voice tiny.

Draco’s sharp edges smoothed immediately, as he snuggled the two of them closer together, “Don’t be daft, love,” he all but whispered into the crown of Harry’s head. “It’s just a movie.”

“Oh God!” Harry pulled away, sitting up, and shifting down the sofa. “And I’m straight!” 

Draco let his sly smile out to play again, “Harry Potter, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you’re not straight.”

“But I kissed Cho!” He shouted, pointing at the telly, “And I think I liked it.” Harry scooched further down the sofa until he was pressed against the far armrest.

“The things I do…” Draco murmured, sotto voce, climbing up onto his knees and shuffling across the sofa until he straddled Harry’s lap. He let one hand tangle in the curls just behind his ear and kissed him firmly on the lips. When Harry made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a moan, Draco took his parted lips for the invitation it was and slipped his tongue in. As Harry’s hands wandered downwards, skimming down the knobs of Draco’s spine to cup his bum, it was only Remus’ pointed _‘ahem’_ that brought them up for air.

“And you liked that?” Draco asked, forehead-to-forehead, their breaths still mingling. Harry didn’t reply, but for the blush rushing up his cheeks. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Draco said, disentangling himself and moving back to his own space on the sofa. He pulled the throw over his lap. “You’re not straight, darling. Sure, you-” he pointed to the telly “-get married and have three perfect children but you-” he waved his hand at the Harry here and now, all bashfully dishevelled and kiss-bitten lips, “-are as bent as a Leprechaun Galleon”.

“We were never that bad? Right?” Sirius staged-whispered at Remus, “All over each other in our godfathers’ living room?”

“ _We_ weren’t,” Remus agreed, “ _you_ were far, far worse. _”_

“Pfft! Lies, slander, and more lies! I never-” 

“The first time we Christmas-ed with my parents, Harry’s Annaprashana, Arthur and Molly’s wedding reception…”

Harry slid back across the sofa, tucking his feet under Draco’s throw-covered thighs, as the bickering from the other sofa continued, “So, who’d I marry?” 

Draco examined his perfectly manicured nails, rubbing at an imaginary hangnail. 

“Draco,” Harry tried again, wiggling his toes to get his attention. “Who did I marry?”

The bickering from the other sofa had paused, “Go on,” Remus encouraged. “You got yourself into this mess,” he continued at Draco’s scowl, “you can have the conversation.”

“Fine,” Draco conceded with a snap. “It’s Ginny.”

“Ginny? _Ginny_ Ginny? My sister Ginny‽” Harry said with a shiver of disgust.

Draco nodded.

“What is wrong with these filmmakers? She’s my sister? C’mon!” 

“It’s not all their fault, they’re based on the muggle books which are…” Draco hesitated, for once the right words not springing immediately to mind, “...engrossing, but – how should I put it? – liberal with authorial interpretation.”

Harry raised a questioning eyebrow, “And for those of us who aren’t walking textbooks?” He wagged his finger between himself and Sirius.

“Everyone’s straight and white,” Remus interpreted.

“And alive?” Sirius asked, hopefully.

Draco shook his head.

“Well,” Sirius lay back against Remus chest, “at least my man lived a long life as a poor, poor widower.” Behind him, Remus gave the tiniest shake of his head. 

“Well…” Draco began.

“Don’t Draco,” Remus warned.

“Don’t Draco what? Sirius demanded. “Did you marry someone else?” He turned and shook Remus lightly by the shoulders, “Remus! How could you‽ Did you even let me get cold in my coffin?”

“You didn’t have a coffin,” Draco added helpfully.

Sirius ignored him and continued to question Remus, “Who did you marry?”

“It doesn’t matter, love,” Remus said, taking Sirius’ hands from his shoulders and rubbing calming circles across his wrists.

“Who did you marry?”

“It. Doesn’t. Matter.” Remus punctuated each word with a kiss to Sirius’ palms.

“Who did you marry?”

“It’s not real, Pads.”

“Draco,” Sirius twisted awkwardly in his seat, his hands still caught in Remus’ “Who did he marry?”

“He died,” Draco said softly, throwing in a lip quiver for good measure.

All the fight went from Sirius as he turned back, “You died?” Remus could only nod.

“To be clear,” Draco said, “he died after he married Dora. Leaves little Teddy an orphan to boot.” 

“Ugh! I can’t believe you, Lupin.” Sirius shook his head angrily, “You let yourself get killed, you let another little boy be orphaned. Wasn’t one enough? You’re the least responsible man I’ve ever met.”

“It wasn’t- I didn’t- It’s a movie, Sirius! It’s not real!”

Sirius folded his arms tightly across his chest as he huffed under his breath, “Can’t believe you.”

“And this,” Remus nodded to Sirius, “is why I told you to vet the movie, Draco. You’re not getting the Blockbuster card again.”

“Good, I hate that place.” Draco held up his hands in defeat, “And he wanted to watch one that he was in. What was I to do?”

“You could’ve at least picked the Cuarón one,” Remus argued.

“And have him sit there and complain about his dirty clothes and his matted hair and his being a dog for half the film?” Draco gave a shudder at the very thought, “No, thank you.”

“And you thought him being dead was better?”

“It’s better than being straight and white,” Harry said.

“Or,” Sirius added, dropping his feet in Remus’ lap, “being seen with that abomination of a mustache living on your face.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of "Lights, Camera, Drarry" (LCDrarry), a film-, TV- and theatre-inspired Drarry fest.  
>  Creations are posted anonymously during the posting period. The creators will be revealed on [tumblr](http://lcdrarry.tumblr.com) and [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/LCDrarry2019/works) on 15 June.


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